As a parent, one of the most important lessons I can impart to my 17-year-old daughter is financial responsibility. I want her to become an independent, confident adult capable of managing her own finances. But as she nears adulthood, the question of how much I should continue to financially support her—especially once she’s out of high school—becomes more complex. While we’ve made the agreement to financially support her through her bachelor’s degree, I’m still grappling with how to balance this support with growing her financial independence.

Teach Financial Literacy Early—Not Through Lecturing But Through Everyday Moments

It became clear to me that teaching financial responsibility doesn’t have to be a lecture or a set of rigid rules. Instead, it’s about incorporating small, everyday lessons that can make a huge impact in the long run. For me, the most effective lessons often happen through real-life moments.

Use Everyday Moments: When my daughter asks for something, I’ll often ask, “How would you pay for it?” This simple question helps her connect her desires to real-world financial decisions. We talk about needs versus wants, helping her understand how to prioritise. I often show her how even small purchases can add up, and together we talk about ways to make money, save and plan.

When Should I Stop Financially Support My Child?

We’ve made it clear that once my daughter graduates from university, I won’t be providing financial support. But there’s no rush for her to figure this out in one fell swoop. I’ve planned a transition period to ease her into full financial independence, and this plan gives us time to prepare.

The Transition Plan: Currently, since she lives with us, my daughter manages her weekly allowance and stipend independently. This is good practice for her because she is already managing her money without needing constant intervention. As she enters the next phase of her life, when she moves out on her own, we’ll transition to a monthly budget structure. For the next five years, we plan to transfer a set monthly amount to her, which will cover all of her expenses (rent, utilities, food, entertainment, etc.). She’ll be responsible for managing the entire sum. This gives her the opportunity to budget and prioritise her spending, while giving her a consistent and manageable income to rely on.

Financial Check-ins: Every few months, we’ll have a check-in where we talk about how things are going. Is she staying within her budget? Are there unexpected expenses? This allows us to adjust if needed, and gives her a chance to reflect on how well she’s managing her finances.

Monthly Budget Plan: The agreed-upon monthly amount will be transferred to her bank account, and she’ll be in charge of allocating it according to her needs. This structure mimics real-life financial responsibility, where she has to decide how to balance her needs and wants within the given budget.

Teaching Kids Not Just How to Save, But How to Make Money

While teaching my daughter how to save is important, it’s just as crucial to teach her how to make money, evaluate her time and skills, and recognise the opportunities around her. Financial independence isn’t just about managing what you have—it’s also about finding ways to earn more. I want her to understand that her skills and time are valuable assets, and that in the real world, there are countless opportunities to generate income if she’s proactive and resourceful.

Encouraging her to explore different ways to monetise her passions and talents—from freelancing to part-time jobs to entrepreneurial ventures—helps her see that financial success isn’t limited to traditional career paths. The ability to identify opportunities, whether it’s a side hustle, a personal project, or a business idea, is a powerful skill that will serve her well throughout her life. It’s also a great way for her to learn about the value of hard work, innovation, and how to balance earning with managing her finances effectively.

Teach Her to Evaluate Opportunities: Show her how to evaluate business ideas or freelance opportunities critically. What are the start-up costs? What kind of return can she expect? How does the time investment compare to the potential earnings? This will help her become a more informed, strategic decision-maker when it comes to money.

Should I Lend or Give Money to My Daughter?

There may be moments when my daughter needs financial help beyond the scope of our original agreement—whether it’s for an emergency or something unexpected. Should I lend her the money with the expectation of repayment, or should I simply give it to her? I’ve realised that lending money can be a way to teach her responsibility and ensure she understands the gravity of borrowing (unless it’s anything health related, then obviously, financial literacy doesn’t matter and health issues has to be fixed). However, it’s important to have clear boundaries and communicate expectations to avoid any misunderstandings.

If I do decide to lend money to my daughter, I’ll always discuss why she needs it and what the terms of repayment will be. If I lend her money, I’ll make sure she understands when and how she should pay it back. This will help her grasp the concept of borrowing and repaying responsibly.

When Should I Let Go of Financial Support Completely?

After we agreed that I will financially support her until she graduates with her bachelor’s degree, the big question is when to completely stop. It’s important to me that she transitions to full financial independence after graduation, but I know that this is a process that requires preparation. It’s not just about cutting her off—it’s about ensuring that she can manage on her own.

Set a Financial Freedom Date: Our agreement has a clear end point: the day she graduates with her bachelor’s degree. By then, I plan to have already transitioned her toward managing all her own expenses, and I’ll make sure she’s ready for this change.

Have Open Conversations: We’ve already agreed that my support will end when she graduates. I think it’s essential that we both have honest conversations about what this means, and what steps she needs to take to be ready. By the time she’s ready to graduate, I want to make sure she’s confident managing her finances on her own.

Why Saying No to Financial Requests from Your Adult Children is Key to Their Independence

As a working parent, I absolutely have the right to say no when my daughter asks for money—whether it’s for a new pair of jeans now, while she still lives with us, or for a new car when she’s fully independent. It’s important not to feel guilty about setting boundaries. Parenting isn’t about satisfying every financial wish or dream; it’s about preparing our children for a future where they can stand on their own two feet, financially independent and able to afford their own needs.

Parents should never feel obligated to support their adult children financially if it compromises their own well-being or future. Our salary, savings, and financial decisions are our responsibility, and while we may choose to help if we have the means, we shouldn’t sacrifice our own financial stability to do so. It’s essential to respect boundaries—both our own and our children’s. We, as parents, invest countless hours raising them, contribute to their education, and provide financial guidance along the way. That investment doesn’t mean we have to continue funding their desires indefinitely. Setting healthy financial boundaries is crucial for the growth and independence of both parents and children.