How to Welcome Adult Children Home

There’s a special kind of feeling that comes with preparing for your child’s first visit home after leaving the nest. I think I would call it a quiet, soft excitement. The kind that makes you fluff their pillows twice, check the fridge for their favourite snacks, and even give an extra brush to the cat for these extra-soft cuddles.

My daughter, now a first-year medical student in the Netherlands, came home to Greece for a few short nights this week. Just a small, urgently needed visit. Nothing bad had happened; she just urgently needed to sleep in her own bed, cuddle the cat, give us many hugs and kisses and eat some feta.

And while she wasn’t gone for long, something about having her walk through that door again felt new, similar to seeing that newest Instagram update with a few new features added (playing cool here). A little more confident, a little more herself, and yet still very much as I know her, my girl. It was a heart-warming time and a relationship-upgrading experience.
Everything felt new, this stage of parenting, this version of motherhood, even the value of time.

Despite some parenting mistakes I’ve made during her first stay (oh come on, don’t we all have a collection?), I believe what I learned this week may help you welcome your own child home, whether for Christmas, a weekend visit, or that first emotional trip back to the nest.

Here’s what I learned:

1. They’ve changed more than you see, acknowledge it.

For us, it’s only been a few months. What we, parents wish is to see how “the same” they still are (that’s what makes us happy and reassures our parenting choices), how well they continued the things we started.
But for them? They’re truly, literally, becoming someone new, and they want us to see that! And accept that. They’ve lived an entire lifetime in these months.
New routines.
New people.
New skills.
New responsibilities.
New pieces of identity popping up every day.

Early adulthood is actually one of the fastest periods of identity development, according to psychological researches. Make it easier and help them. Ask about their routines, friends, classes. Let them share what they’re proud of. Let them show you, proudly, the life they’re building.

How did I do on this one? A realistic 7/10. I got a bit hooked on focusing on what stayed the same, so at times I forgot to notice what changed. Being totally honest (but don’t tell anyone), I internally struggled to fully respect the things that changed or improved without my involvement! What a humbling little ego check.

2. Their room should be the one thing that hasn’t changed.

They’ve changed.
Their world has changed.
But their room?
Leave it as they left it.

Coming home is more than visiting you, it’s returning to their safe haven. Their emotional base. The place where they can drop adulthood, exhale, and play with the cat for an hour without guilt. It’s reconnecting with their identity.

Attachment theory shows that a secure, familiar base helps young adults regulate emotions and transition more confidently into independence. Their old room is much more than nostalgia; it’s emotional recalibration.

Some theories say you should repurpose their room right after they leave. I strongly disagree.
At least not until they are fully rooted in their new home. Their room carries an important message:
You’re still part of this tribe. You’re safe here.

On this one, I can give myself a full 10/10.
Her room was untouched, freshly made with new sheets, and I placed a few tiny cheerful touches. Her falling backward onto her bed with a smile on her face proves it all.

3. Let them be. Freely.

If they want to talk – great.
If they want to sleep – great.
If they want to live in pyjamas and binge silly TV shows – wonderful.

Their new life is overwhelming because it’s new. Home shouldn’t be another place to perform or report. Home should feel light and safe. So let them set the pace.

Unless, and this is important, the “sleeping till noon” behaviour comes with other signs of distress:
withdrawal, irritability, low energy, loss of appetite, or that quiet heaviness you can feel even when they say everything is “fine.” Then your gentle check-in matters. Not interrogation, just,
“You seem a little off today, anything you want to talk about or anything I can do?”

The rest might simply be the intensity of independence. But your intuition knows the difference between tired and troubled.

As for me, I tiptoed on this one at first, wanting to hear everything, fix everything, mother everything. But eventually I realised she didn’t come home for a Q&A session; she came home to breathe.

Once I gave her space, she came forward on her own.
8/10 for me.

4. Don’t reinvent routines, hold onto the usual ones.

If your Saturday ritual is late breakfast and a silly TV show, keep it. This is not the time to impress them with new brunch places (save those for your own adventures).

Their world is already full of newness, they come home for what’s familiar.

Routine creates safety, neuroscience even shows that predictable patterns lower stress levels and help with emotional regulation, and this is especially important during big life transitions.

Here I shine!
Like our cat, I am a creature of habit.
10/10.

5. The hardest part: don’t expect them to notice your changes. Not as yet.

This one stings a little, but it’s normal.

Young adults are still forming their social and emotional “muscles.” Their ego is still growing strong, protecting them as they enter new environments.

So yes, they may forget to see your progress or changes. But they’re not ungrateful, they’re focused forward. It’s not that they don’t care about your personal growth, it’s that their own life feels very big and very new right now. As it should be!

Fun fact: Studies show that late teens and early 20s have reduced mental space for “external-awareness” because their brains are busy building independence (too self oriented). Translation: they are biologically less likely to notice that you started skateboarding, got promoted, or learned some new skill. It’s NATURAL! Hard on the ego, though.

I know it all. You were the main character in their early life. Now, their friends take that place. Later, it will be their job, their partner, their own children.
This is healthy. And as hard as it sounds, it’s not their job to make a place for you in their life, it’s yours.

My ego definitely made an appearance more than once these last days.
Let’s call it a 6/10. Still learning. Promise to be better.

Our children come home to see us, yes, but they also come home to reconnect with themselves, who they were and who they are becoming now.

This new stage is new to everyone. There will be small hiccups. There will be tiny stings and smaller or bigger ego games, whether yours or theirs. But just as we learned to survive the sleepless nights when they first went out with friends, we’ll learn how to welcome them home as adults!

Let’s help them focus on their future while we stay in charge of keeping their roots strong and well nurtured.

And what’s my overall score as a fresh empty-nester?
Let’s agree to a solid 8/10, with clear potential for growth, and hopefully no need to repeat the lessons.