Parenting Adult Children

How To Be A Supportive Mother to Your Adult Child

Parenting adult children requires a delicate balance of providing support while respecting their autonomy. Even when your child is an adult, don’t try to push a best-friend relationship model on them; just be a supportive, up-to-date, tolerant parent and an interesting person with your own life.

Your parenting functions have changed and now it’s expected for you to be a valuable advisor, a source of unconditional love, and a calm shore for them to chart their boat when it gets super windy, rather than a caretaker, financial supporter, or even worse, their life auditor (evaluating and criticising their choices). It’s important to respect their different values, beliefs, and lifestyles, accepting and honouring these differences.

When your child grows up, setting boundaries is key. Discuss and agree upon mutual boundaries that respect both your needs and theirs, such as respecting privacy, avoiding unannounced visits, and limiting discussions on certain topics. Remember that boundaries are not meant to distance you from them but to avoid awkward situations and connect in a healthier, more mature way.

Rather than interfering in your child’s life, focus on nurturing your own. Continue to engage in your hobbies, interests, and social activities, which not only enriches your life but also models a balanced and healthy lifestyle for your children. By maintaining your independence and pursuing your own goals, you create a healthy dynamic where your children feel free to live their own lives without feeling responsible for your happiness or guilty for not having time for you.

Accept Your Parenting Mistakes and Apologies For Them

As a mother, it’s important to recognise and accept parenting mistakes you’ve made over the years. Even if you managed to raise your kids without big traumas, there is still something your adult child might think went wrong. No one is perfect, and acknowledging your mistakes will only show your progress and respect to your child. Verbally apologising for these mistakes can heal old wounds and build a stronger, more honest relationship with your adult children. It demonstrates that you respect their feelings and are willing to take responsibility for your actions.

By openly addressing past mistakes and expressing genuine regret, you create a foundation of trust and understanding that can deepen your bond and pave the way for a healthier, more open relationship moving forward.

Your willingness to apologise not only shows accountability but also shows that growth in parenting is a lifelong processes. Taking the time to listen to their perspectives and validate their experiences can make them feel seen and heard, and build a mature sense of mutual respect and empathy.

In essence, by embracing your imperfections and making amends, you demonstrate that love and respect are the cornerstones of your relationship. This parenting approach not only helps to let go old pains but also builds the idea that strong, loving relationships can be (re)built anytime if honesty, vulnerability, and the ability to admit when we’re wrong are present. Ultimately, this sets a powerful example for your children, showing them that personal growth and healthier connections are possible at any stage of life.

Give Them Gifts That Nobody Else Can Give

Parenting adult children also means finding a way to show attention in a non intrusive way. Giving gifts is more than just a way to show attention; it’s an opportunity to demonstrate how well you truly understand your child. No one knows your child as well as you do—you’re familiar with their comfort foods, favorite artists, and countless other details that can inspire meaningful gifts. Instead of opting for impersonal vouchers or expensive items, consider something personal. As your child becomes financially independent, it becomes harder to impress them.

Here are some gifts ideas that only parents can give to their adult children:

1. Customised Memory Book
Create a scrapbook or photo album filled with cherished family moments, milestones, and personal notes. This thoughtful gift captures the essence of your family’s journey together.

2. Personalised Family Recipe Book
Compile a collection of family recipes, including their favorite comfort foods and dishes from family events. Add personal anecdotes and cooking tips for a heartfelt touch.

3. Family Jewellery
Pass down a piece of family jewelry with a note explaining its history and significance. This gift carries emotional value and connects them to their heritage.

4. A Trip Together
Plan a weekend getaway with just you and your child. Whether it’s a new destination or a place you’ve visited before, this is a great way to spend quality time together and create new memories.

5. Childhood Favorite Toy
Give them an exact replica of their childhood favorite toy. This nostalgic gift can evoke fond memories and create new ones, especially if they have children of their own.

6. Digitised Childhood Videos
Convert old childhood videos from formats like VHS to digital. These precious memories are often forgotten in outdated formats, and digitising them allows for easy viewing and sharing.

7. Surprise with Comfort Food
Send them their favorite food when they’re busy or feeling down. Receiving a favorite pizza and cheesecake via food delivery service will put a smile on their face without feeling intrusive.

8. Personalised Experience
Plan an experience based on their interests, such as a cooking class with a favorite chef, a concert by their favorite artist, or a trip to a meaningful location. This shows you understand and support their passions.

9. Subscription Services
Gift them subscriptions to online courses or services they enjoy, like Spotify or YouTube Premium. These can be thoughtful and practical gifts that enhance their daily life.

10. Health and Wellness Gifts
Consider gifting a subscription for periodic blood tests or monthly vitamins and supplements. Showing care for their health is a meaningful way to express your love.

11. Personalised Hampers
Surprise them with flowers or a personalised hamper of high-quality snacks for no particular reason. These small, thoughtful gestures can make their day.

These thoughtful, personalised gifts go beyond material value, reflecting the deep bond and unique knowledge you have of your child. They show your love and appreciation in a way that resonates on a personal level.