Have you ever spent an entire evening thinking about something you said or did during a five-minute conversation? Maybe your colleague sounded slightly off when she replied to your email. Maybe someone hasn’t called you back. Or you made a decision, a perfectly reasonable one, and now your brain feels useful to showcase other seventeen options.
Like that we can spend hours preparing for conversations that will never happen, defending ourselves against accusations nobody has made, and worrying about consequences that exist ONLY in our imagination.
When thinking becomes a full-time job
There is a difference between thinking and overthinking. Think about the last thing you overthought. Did the twentieth round of thinking about the same thing bring you any closer to a solution than the third? Or did it just make you more exhausted?
Thinking helps us make decisions. Overthinking often helps us postpone making them.
Sometimes because we don’t trust our judgement or we fear the consequences or because continuing to think feels safer than discovering what actually happens.
Carl Jung: Who is doing all that thinking?
In Two Essays on Analytical Psychology, Carl Jung (1966) explored the relationship between our conscious identity and the unconscious parts of ourselves. The Persona concept (the social face we develop to function in the world) interests me a lot. We want to be seen as competent, kind, intelligent, attractive, dependable. All good with that, we live among other people, after all.
But what happens when protecting that image becomes more important than expressing what we actually think? Imagine rethinking a meeting because you fear you sounded stupid. You might pretend you’re worrying about the meeting itself. But you might be worrying about being seen as someone who doesn’t know enough. Or imagine endlessly analysing whether somebody likes you. Is the problem really their opinion, or what their rejection might mean about your self worth?
Jung’s ideas invite us to consider whether our conscious explanations tell the whole story. Next time you catch yourself overthinking, ask: Am I trying to solve a problem, or protect an image of myself? You might be surprised how often the second answer appears.
But who taught us that we must get everything right?
We’re very good at explaining distress through individual characteristics. She’s anxious. She’s perfectionistic. She needs better boundaries. But try to examine the society in which those characteristics develop. Consider how often women are expected to be ambitious but not intimidating, assertive but not aggressive, attractive but not vain, caring but not controlling. Then we’re surprised when someone spends an hour deciding how to word a three-sentence email.
Of course, men experience overthinking too. Class, culture, employment conditions and family responsibilities change what people can afford to get wrong. If one mistake could cost you your job, your financial security or an important relationship, thinking carefully may be perfectly reasonable.
Sometimes overthinking is an individual habit. Sometimes it’s a response to living in circumstances where mistakes have consequences. Before blaming yourself for worrying too much, ask whether you’re carrying responsibilities that could be shared, or trying to meet expectations that nobody could satisfy consistently. Not every problem requires a better mindset. Some require a conversation, more support, or a change in circumstances.
Viktor Frankl: What if we looked somewhere else?
Viktor Frankl described hyper-reflection: excessive attention to ourselves or a particular experience that can make the experience more difficult.
Think about trying desperately to fall asleep while checking every few minutes whether you’re finally feeling sleepy. Congratulations. You’ve just made sleeping your most stressful activity of the day. One technique Frankl developed was dereflection, redirecting attention away from excessive self-monitoring towards something meaningful outside ourselves.
Instead of asking, Why am I feeling this way? Why can’t I stop thinking?, try asking: What really deserves my attention right now?
Maybe it’s finishing something important, calling a friend, making dinner, or going for a walk. It doesn’t have to be a grand life purpose. Meaning can exist in something as ordinary as being present for someone you love.
Frankl also used humour through a technique called paradoxical intention, helping people take some distance from fears that had begun controlling them.
Personally, I like the idea of occasionally telling my brain: Excellent. We’ve now overthought twelve possible disasters. Shall we schedule the remaining ones for Thursday?
Humour won’t resolve every anxiety. But sometimes it helps us notice how absurdly far our thinking has travelled.
Five things to try when your brain continues to overthink
1. Ask what the thinking is producing.
If you’ve been examining the same problem for twenty minutes, ask yourself what you’ve learned in the last five. Nothing? You may have stopped solving and already started repeating it, so maybe just think of what really deserves my attention right now?
2. Separate facts from stories.
Fact: Your friend hasn’t replied.
Story: She’s offended, your friendship is ending, and it’s probably because of something you texted her last Tuesday.
You don’t have to believe every explanation your brain offers.
3. Give the problem an appointment.
When a worry keeps returning, write it down and set aside a short period to consider it later. If something requires action now, take it. Otherwise, allow it to wait. You can be responsible without being mentally available to every problem twenty-four hours a day.
4. Make one small move towards the future.
Ask: What’s one useful thing I can actually do about this?
Send the email. Ask the question. Make the appointment. Or accept that you don’t have enough information yet. Action won’t always remove uncertainty, but another three hours of imaginary conversations probably won’t either.
5. Question the rules you’re trying to obey.
Do you really need everyone to like you? Must every decision be correct? Are you actually responsible for another adult’s disappointment?
Some rules deserve to be broken, especially the ones you’ve never consciously agreed to.
And what if you’re simply someone who thinks a lot?
Overthinking has its advantages. You may notice details others miss, predict difficulties, consider different perspectives and take your responsibilities more seriously.
I wouldn’t want to lose those abilities just to become a person who can make every decision in thirty seconds. Jung’s concept of individuation concerns becoming more fully ourselves rather than simply conforming to what others expect. I think that’s a useful way to approach overthinking, too.
You can learn to recognise when your thinking has crossed the line from useful to exhausting. If it regularly disrupts your sleep, work or relationships, psychological support can help. Repetitive negative thinking is a recognised target of effective psychological treatments.
Maybe the goal isn’t to stop overthinking forever, but it’s to become better at deciding which thoughts deserve our time right now. Because while you’re busy thinking about everything that might happen to you, your actual life is happening without your full attention. And unlike those imaginary conversations, that is something we can’t replay.
References and further reading
- Jung, C. G. (1966). Two Essays on Analytical Psychology. Collected Works, Vol. 7. Princeton University Press.
- Frankl, V. E. (1960). Paradoxical intention: A logotherapeutic technique. American Journal of Psychotherapy, 14(3), 520–535.
- Viktor Frankl Institute. Logotherapy and Existential Analysis. https://viktorfrankl.org/logotherapy.html
- Efficacy of cognitive behavioral therapy in treating repetitive negative thinking, rumination, and worry: A transdiagnostic meta-analysis (2025). https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC12017360/
